#yourvoicematters
From: UK
Hi I'm Becky
I’m a nineteen-year-old student suffering from anxiety, panic disorder, agoraphobia, emetophobia, social anxiety and depression. Since childhood I’ve been very sensitive. I have never liked loud noises, birthdays, or Christmas because of the excitement, the parties or having to stay at someone else’s house overnight. I liked having calm, steady emotions and a set routine. I wanted as little upset as possible in my life.
It was at the age of twelve when I was first diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder and started my first round of therapy. It was a lot to take in at twelve years of age and I didn’t really understand what the term anxiety and panic disorder meant. All I knew was that whenever I was excited about something, like going out with friends, I would be overcome with anxiety and it would usually lead to an intense panic attack. Luckily, at such a young age it didn’t stop me from doing the things I wanted to do. As soon as the symptoms subsided, I was ready to go and meet my friends.
It was around the age of fifteen, just before my GCSE’s when the added pressure of exams really pushed me to the breaking point. My attendance at school dropped and my panic attacks became more frequent. I experienced panic attacks at home, at school, with friends—everywhere. I had suicidal thoughts, and my panic attacks where so consistent that I was advised to return to therapy after failing to complete my first round of treatment when I was younger. But I was in so much denial about my problem and so convinced this was just the way I am, I refused help again. Fast forward to where I am now. I failed A-Levels partly due to my shocking attendance record; I left three jobs and had a forced gap year between college and university due to my mental health.
I’m currently on two different medications; one for depression and anxiety and the other just for anxiety. I’m also receiving cognitive behavioural therapy on the NHS but due to the high demand for therapy in my area, I only have a set amount of sessions before I need to re-join the back of the waiting list if I’m not “cured” in time. I’m now severely agoraphobic and not a day goes by without having a panic attack. I know I’ve given up in the past and probably exasperated my symptoms by refusing help early on, but I still have hope. I have an “action plan” filled with exposure work. I’m determined to get better and frequently blog about mental health in an attempt to help others or at least spread a little hope within this amazingly strong community of sufferers and survivors.
I know everyone is capable of getting better and there’s no reason why I should be any different.
Rebecca