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Mending Fences With a Senior Parent Who's An Addict

 
By: Teresa Greenhill
 
 
 
There is never a wrong time to reconnect with family and friends, but when a relationship with a relative is strained because of addiction, it’s not so easy. In the United States, addiction is an epidemic, and it’s not just for young people. 


Seniors are struggling with addiction more than ever--in fact, misuse of prescription drugs by seniors is predicted to increase by 100 percent by 2020. Children of addicts often feel a lot of pain and resentment. While an addict may just be one person, addiction itself is a family disease that affects everyone. 

However, the desire to reestablish a bond often still exists. Seeing others come together with their loved ones will bring that desire out even more. 

What an Addict Parent Must Do: Rehabilitation 

If a parent struggling with substance abuse and addiction wants any chance of rebuilding a relationship with their child or children, they must seek help and rehabilitation. The addict must show that they are serious about recovery and put forth the effort and the first steps in the process. When they do, this shows that he/she is taking responsibility for their actions and the pain they put their family members had. 

Cutting Out Unhealthy Relationships

A parent can’t just go to meetings and expect that to be enough to gain their child’s trust. They must also take proactive steps by cutting out any unhealthy relationships that contribute to or trigger their addictive tendencies. For seniors with prescription pill addictions, this may mean leaving a particular doctor’s care and finding a new physician

Setting Expectations for Recovery

A person can’t become a destructive addict overnight, so there’s no way they can rehabilitate in that kind of time. It’s important for families to set realistic expectations. Some destructive behaviours may be harder to shake at first, but it’s important not to give up just because the going gets tough. 

Expectations go both ways. There’s no way to snap your fingers and make everything better again, so an addict can’t expect to be automatically forgiven just because they say sorry. The addict must expect that forgiveness will take time. However, taking it day by day will eventually lead you to the place you want to be relationship-wise. 

Practising Healthy Communication

When a person has lived their life full of unhealthy habits, picking up healthy ones can be a challenge. However, learning to communicate effectively and healthily is crucial for rebuilding relationships. Avoid accusations and excuses and instead focus on expressing feelings and understanding. A mediator or counsellor may help for some families, but during the holidays it’s not so easy to seek professional help. Make a concerted effort to speak rationally and kindly to prevent angry blow-ups that can ruin everybody’s day. 

Recognize Their Pain

Addicts become that way for many reasons, but generally, addiction is a reaction to pain or trauma the person experienced in the past. While in recovery, the addict is encouraged to identify and tap into those experiences to begin healing. However important that is for their recovery, it’s not going to help rebuild a relationship with a child. 

A parent that is an addict must recognize how their actions and behaviours affect their children-- no matter how young or old. The addict must take responsibility for the pain they caused and avoid shifting blame or guilt onto the other party. 

While every family has their trials and tribulations, families with parents that are addicts are faced with a difficult and unique scenario. An addict parent must commit to rehabilitation and cut unhealthy relationships with their life. Setting clear expectations will help prevent dissatisfaction during the process of reconciliation, and healthy communication is key to rebuilding a bond. Finally, while identifying trauma and the reasons behind their addiction is important for recovery, focusing on these issues will not help mend a broken relationship with a child. They must take responsibility for the hurt they caused along with putting in the effort to overcome addiction. 



 
submission@mentalhealthplatform.com



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